The Journey: Part Two

Over six months ago I wrote a post about 2014.

December. Oh December. You were good to me. One of the most challenging years of my life ended. The first year of the greatest adventure I have ever been on came to a close.

 ...

2015. I welcome you. I welcome restoration. I welcome your resting in the assurance that God will fulfill every promise. I welcome the hope and life you will bring to my heart. Already you have been wonder-filled. Already, you have amazed me. Twenty fifteen, I face you with courage, knowing that you won't be easy, but I can rest. God will fulfill every promise, I can rest.

 These words were written back in January. I read them now and can't help but giggle.

Let me rewind and tell you a little about the whirlwind that has happened in the last six months.

Some time back, I decided to jump off the cliff and give online dating a try. I signed up for Match dot com and paid for a three month subscription. I didn't have a whole lot of success for the first three months. I talked to a guy or two, but no one I was really interested. My subscription was supposed to end right at Christmas and I was going to go ahead and cancel my subscription before I was charged for another three months. I was thinking about giving another dating site a try, but wasn't sure yet.

On my way home for Christmas I got stuck in the airport for around 10 hours. Because of the chaos of being bounced from flight to flight, I totally forgot about cancelling my subscription. A couple days go by and I realize that I had forgotten and had already been charged for the next three months. Frustrated, I decided to keep it for the next three months since I had already paid for it.
Unbeknownst to me, I would end up cancelling my subscription before those three months were up anyway.

December 27th I got an email from a guy named Alex. He was pretty cute. It was easy to keep an email conversation going back and forth with him. I still wasn't sure though. I wanted to move slowly because to be honest, I was a little freaked out about meeting up with someone I met online.

December 31st I decided to meet up with him at a Starbucks I went to often. I chose that Starbucks because I was a regular and I new that I had friends who worked there who I could trust to look out if need be. I also brought and set up my work laptop so that if things were awkward or went poorly, I had the excuse of needing to get some work done.

The computer and the friends were unnecessary.

Over the next couple months, Alex became my best friend. We laughed. We were serious. We cried.
We sat in silence. We laughed some more. I began to fall in love. I fell in love with my best friend.

Here I sit. The month is June. Almost six months to the day that we began to talk.
There is a pretty, sparkly ring on my finger.
Save the dates are sitting on the table next to me. I talked to the florist this morning.

I will be married in  just over four months. Wow.

I met the love of my life in December.
I realized he was the love of my life shortly after.

Oh, this journey is a good one.

Letter series: To the girl who was raped

Rape. 

One of the most vile things I can think of. 

Rape.

One out of every six American women 

has been the victim of an attempted 

or completed rape in her lifetime. 

1 in 6.

In a college class of 60 women, 

10 have been raped. 

In the coffee shop I am sitting in right now, 

2 have been raped.

2 people I am less than 30 feet from.

1 in 6. 

That is 17.7 million American women. 

Every 107 seconds, another American experiences this horrendous trauma. 

Precious heart, Brave soul,

Hear me.
Please, oh please hear me now.
You did not deserve it. 
It was NOT your fault.
You did nothing to deserve it.
You weren't raped because of where you were. You weren't raped because of the number of drinks you had. You weren't raped because of what you were wearing. You did nothing to cause yourself to be raped. It was in no way your fault.
Dear heart,
even if you invited the man into your home, even if you consented to one thing,
The moment you said "No" it was rape.
Even if you didn't say "No"... If you didn't say "yes"... it was rape.

You didn't deserve it.
Even if you led him on, you didn't deserve it.
Even if you invited him in.
Even if you went to his house.
You didn't deserve to be raped.

Brave girl,
You are not worthless.
You are not damaged goods.
You are not wasted.

You are a survivor.
You don't have to let him win.

You can report him.
You can choose to not report him.
You can choose to not go back to him.
You can choose to go back to him.

(Please sweet girl, if he is unhealthy for you, make the brave choice to stay away.)

You have power. You are not powerless.

You have control. You are not out of control.

Your world is shaking, but it doesn't have to crumble.

Your work is crumbling, but you don't have to fall.

You can fall, but you don't have to stay down forever.

You can proudly stand up.

You can move forward.

Your story is not over.

Dear heart, hear me, 

You deserve kindness.

You deserve tenderness.

You deserve true love.

It may hurt like hell now, but you are a survivor.

Your story is not over.

You are loved.

XOXO

The Journey

This time last year I heard the Father say I am leading you to a place where your trust will be without borders. Did you know that God never lies? Don't believe me? Ask and I will give you specific examples. This year I have learned more about trust than at any other point in my life. This year has been one of the most difficult, but beautiful years of my life. I have trusted Father with wild abandon, even when it didn't make sense. I have trusted. And because of trusting, I have received a great reward.

In January, I set off on the greatest adventure thus far in my life... I moved to Kansas City, Missouri. I followed a dream that I have had on the back burner of my heart for many years. I moved in with two complete strangers who quickly became sisters.
February I went to the hospital because the depression that I have battled my entire life almost became too much. Pain and shame filled my soul, but lingering close was a hope that is greater than my desperation. I continued to trust God in the middle of my brokenness and was overwhelmed with love beyond belief.
March brought clarity as the snow began to melt. March also taught me how beautiful winter is.
April took me to the job of all jobs. I began working in the safe house with Exodus Cry. I got to do life with women who have been rescued from sex trafficking. I was amazed as the Lord proved himself faithful to me time and time again and my heart began to come alive. Spring. My heart began to mirror the budding going on around me.
May led me to Jesus. I began to taste of His goodness in the land of the living. It was not without pain of its own.
June taught me about suffering. June taught me to embrace Jesus in the middle of painful suffering. Almost homeless, I learned that Jesus will not fail me. I surrendered and trusted and yielded over and over and over. Many nights sleepless and tearful. I clung to my Living Hope. He did not fail me.
July I fell in love with the Father all over again. He again, proved himself good and faithful in the middle of pain.
In August, I allowed my dreams to begin to come back to life. I began to write again. Vulnerability encountered wild abandon. I chose to trust Him with my story.
September, things began to die. The leaves began to turn. So did my heart. I clung. I clung still. Pain and sadness surrounding, but joy permeating every place.
October I turned 24. I had a beautiful birthday month. The Father surprised me with love and goodness on all sides. October also brought a really deep, darkness. I am not ready to share what this darkness is. I am still processing the hurt and anger.
As a result of October's darkness, in November I had a lot of learning to do on the goodness of God. I knew He was good. I declared His goodness. But I had to allow that belief to permeate my being. I had to let go once again and trust. No matter where that trust leads.
December. Oh December. You were good to me. One of the most challenging years of my life ended. The first year of the greatest adventure I have ever been on came to a close.

2014. You were hard. You hurt. But you taught me to trust. I do not have it mastered, though I am closer today than I was in January. I am glad you are over though.

2015. I welcome you. I welcome restoration. I welcome your resting in the assurance that God will fulfill every promise. I welcome the hope and life you will bring to my heart. Already you have been wonder-filled. Already, you have amazed me. Twenty fifteen, I face you with courage, knowing that you won't be easy, but I can rest. God will fulfill every promise, I can rest.