Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Journey

This time last year I heard the Father say I am leading you to a place where your trust will be without borders. Did you know that God never lies? Don't believe me? Ask and I will give you specific examples. This year I have learned more about trust than at any other point in my life. This year has been one of the most difficult, but beautiful years of my life. I have trusted Father with wild abandon, even when it didn't make sense. I have trusted. And because of trusting, I have received a great reward.

In January, I set off on the greatest adventure thus far in my life... I moved to Kansas City, Missouri. I followed a dream that I have had on the back burner of my heart for many years. I moved in with two complete strangers who quickly became sisters.
February I went to the hospital because the depression that I have battled my entire life almost became too much. Pain and shame filled my soul, but lingering close was a hope that is greater than my desperation. I continued to trust God in the middle of my brokenness and was overwhelmed with love beyond belief.
March brought clarity as the snow began to melt. March also taught me how beautiful winter is.
April took me to the job of all jobs. I began working in the safe house with Exodus Cry. I got to do life with women who have been rescued from sex trafficking. I was amazed as the Lord proved himself faithful to me time and time again and my heart began to come alive. Spring. My heart began to mirror the budding going on around me.
May led me to Jesus. I began to taste of His goodness in the land of the living. It was not without pain of its own.
June taught me about suffering. June taught me to embrace Jesus in the middle of painful suffering. Almost homeless, I learned that Jesus will not fail me. I surrendered and trusted and yielded over and over and over. Many nights sleepless and tearful. I clung to my Living Hope. He did not fail me.
July I fell in love with the Father all over again. He again, proved himself good and faithful in the middle of pain.
In August, I allowed my dreams to begin to come back to life. I began to write again. Vulnerability encountered wild abandon. I chose to trust Him with my story.
September, things began to die. The leaves began to turn. So did my heart. I clung. I clung still. Pain and sadness surrounding, but joy permeating every place.
October I turned 24. I had a beautiful birthday month. The Father surprised me with love and goodness on all sides. October also brought a really deep, darkness. I am not ready to share what this darkness is. I am still processing the hurt and anger.
As a result of October's darkness, in November I had a lot of learning to do on the goodness of God. I knew He was good. I declared His goodness. But I had to allow that belief to permeate my being. I had to let go once again and trust. No matter where that trust leads.
December. Oh December. You were good to me. One of the most challenging years of my life ended. The first year of the greatest adventure I have ever been on came to a close.

2014. You were hard. You hurt. But you taught me to trust. I do not have it mastered, though I am closer today than I was in January. I am glad you are over though.

2015. I welcome you. I welcome restoration. I welcome your resting in the assurance that God will fulfill every promise. I welcome the hope and life you will bring to my heart. Already you have been wonder-filled. Already, you have amazed me. Twenty fifteen, I face you with courage, knowing that you won't be easy, but I can rest. God will fulfill every promise, I can rest.