Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Wall

There was a young girl named Candid.* She lived in a simple house. In a simple forrest. With simple possessions, but oh, how she cherished her possessions. Candid felt alone many nights. Because she lived in the middle of the simple forrest, she didn't get to enjoy the company of people often. She was a very trusting girl and strived to see the best in everyone she was able to meet.
Every night, a friend came to visit her. His name was Zareh.**Candid cherished their time together. He would tell her of great and glorious things. She loved spending time with him. He was so wise, so loving. He told her of her worth, her value. He told her who she was, and who she was capable of being.
One night, Candid met a new man. His name was Zared.*** He knocked on the door of her simple house. He was an attractive man, with a smooth manner about him. He used sweet words to persuade Candid to let him in to her simple house. They sat at the simple table and ate muffins and drank warm milk together. 
Night after night, Zared would come, knock on her door, and together, they would eat muffins, drink milk, and talk about various things. 
When Zareh would come to visit, Candid would be so entranced by the words of Zared she wouldn't notice he was even there. Zareh never complained, but he always left her a note. 
The note read, "Candid, never forget who you are and who you can be. Do not allow others to deceive you. Use wisdom when listening to the words of others. Don't believe the lies that say you are worthless. Remember who you were created to be. I love you." 
Zared told Candid many things. He introduced her to many new ideas and ways. Candid continued to listen to his words, not realizing that with each word she listened to, he stole the things she held closest to her heart. She never read the note. 
Many weeks later, she began to notice that things she once admired were missing. She realized that many of her possessions had been ruined, or stolen. She felt trapped by the words of Zared, but she knew not how to escape. She felt betrayed and hurt. So she set out on a mission to protect her self, to keep herself from ever being hurt again. She forgot all about the words of Zareh. 
She began to build a wall. She worked day after day to build a thick wall around her simple home. Through sweat and tears, she built the wall. Only wanting to never again feel the hurt of man. She kept to her self. She refused to talk to anyone who passed by. She was so afraid to be hurt again. To have the things she held closest to her stolen. Finally she finished the wall. She felt secure knowing she would never be hurt, but at the same time, she was filled with so much hurt. The missing possessions and the wall was a daily reminder of the pain and hurt she felt. 
Months turned into years. She had grown cold and hard. Vines grew thick over her wall and her once beautiful yard was covered in thorns and weeds. She felt so lonely, and she missed her time with Zareh. How she longed to see him. To hear what he had to say to her. But she was trapped inside her wall. No entrance and no exit. She was alone. 
One morning, she looked out her window, she could hear someone calling her name. It was faint, but she recognized the voice, but was unsure of how. She flew open her door, fought painfully through the first rows of thorn bushes, eager for the possibility of having company, but tripped and fell to the ground. There was no way she could get out. she was stuck. "Candid," She heard it again. "yes?" she called out. She suddenly was overtaken with feelings of shame. She was a mess. Everything was a mess. 
"Candid, Here I am!"
 Wiping away tears she called back, "Go Away!" 
"Candid, I still love you. Remember who you are!" The gentle voice called back. 
Suddenly she remembered who he was. Zareh!! She was still afraid and ashamed. She called out to him, "Zareh, I miss our talks!" 
"Then let me in" He replied.
"I can't!" She sobbed. "There is no way in or out, I am trapped!" 
Zareh was silent for a few moments. "Do you want out?" He asked. Candid thought for a moment. She had been in this place for so long. She had forgotten what it was like to be free. To feel. To trust. To love. "Do you?" Zareh asked again. "Yes!" Candid cried. She wanted to be free. "But how?" She cried out. "There is no door!" 
Zareh replied, "I have made a way for you to be free. It was planned long ago. Before you even knew me. I died to set you free. But you must be willing. You must desire to have these walls broken down."
"I am willing! Whatever it takes! I want to be free again!" Candid was desperate for freedom. 
Zareh said, "Then you must stop listening to the lies of the Evil one, Zared. He came to steal your identity, kill your dreams, and destroy your life. Stop believing what he has told you, and trust me. I will protect you."
"I do!" Candid called out. At that, the rocky wall began to crumble. "I trust you!!" She cried out, and she ran in to his arms. 
The End


There are so many walls that I have built up around my heart. So many areas that I have not listened to the life-giving words of the Lord, and have believed the lies of the enemy. These walls have gotten me no where. They do nothing for me. Only the Lord can truly protect me. As I have tried to protect myself, by my own efforts, I have allowed the lies that I hated to breed and spread. What may have started off as one simple word has spread like a deadly disease. It has spread to all areas, all rooms of my house. My idea of safety has allowed more hurt. BUT, The two words, "I SURRENDER" have allowed the walls to fall. It is only by the blood of Jesus that I am free. He is my Protector. 
So here I am. I SURRENDER once again. Break down the walls. Set me free. 

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Songstress

There was a little girl who lived in a land far away. Her name was Karmina.* She loved to sing. From the early hours of dawn to the late hours of dusk the villagers could hear her lovely melodies resonating through the village streets. Though there was nothing special about her manner, she was well know throughout the village for her soft, sweet voice. She didn't think she was special. She never imagined her songs could or would take her anywhere in life. But after the encouragement of others in the village, she ventured out to let her voice be heard by surrounding villages. 
Karmina went village by village singing her songs. She was applauded and admired by young and old. Her voice was the talk of what ever village she ventured to. All of the praise began to take control of her. She no longer sang because it was what she enjoyed doing; she sang because of the way the accolades made her feel. She based her worth off of what the villagers said she was. Off of the applause and cheers. 
The accolade of the people was what she dreamed of. She became arrogant and jealous if anyone else tried to sing. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she performed. But week after week, her crowd of people shrank smaller and smaller. No one wanted to listen to Karmina any longer. They were tired of her arrogance. Her voice no longer was soft and sweet to them. It ad become boisterous and offensive. Her songs were all about her. She no longer sang praises to the King, everything was about her. 
When Karmina realized that no one liked her anymore she was hurt. She felt worthless. She had based her identity off of the praises of the villagers and no longer knew who she really was. She wondered off into the forrest to be alone to think. She vowed in her heart to never sing again. 
The villages were quiet. No one knew how to sing the way Karmina once sang. Though they tried with all their might, no one could sing praises to the king as she once did. The King set out to bring her home. He knew that only He could tell her who she was. He knew she had forgotten what she was created for, to worship the King. 
As Karmina slept, she dreamed of her King and His kingdom. She missed singing so very much. She was afraid to return because she feared the response of the villagers. She feared that they would cast her away because of her past mistakes. She didn't feel like she was worthy to ever sing for the King again. Little did she know, the King himself had already set out on foot to bring her back into his courts. He missed her singing as much as she missed singing for him.
Karmina woke to the King gently calling her name. "Karmina," Karmina was afraid to look him in the eye. She feared what she would see. "Karmina, look at me," the King lovingly whispered. He lifted her chin gently and gazed into her eyes. Karmina saw such love in his eyes it made her want to cry. She never imagined that her King would come searching for her. He left His throne and all His riches to come and rescue her! She was speechless. 
Words will never express the love she felt at that moment. The King lifted her up into His arms and carried her to the castle. He set her down at the table. He fed her, clothed her in the most beautiful gown you have ever laid eyes on, and reminded her who she was. The daughter of the King. 
To this day, you can still hear Karmina's voice sweetly singing praises to her King. When villagers praise her, you will hear her pause, remind them that it was her King that gave her the voice to sing, and then she will continue her song of praise to the King. Karmina realized something we all must. Our gifts and talents are not of our doing. We were given them by the King. The King Himself came to rescue us and we now are able to sit at His table, to stand in His courts and praise Him. He alone is worthy.
The End
*song, songstress

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My thoughts His thoughts

My thought:
God, I love these girls.
His thought:
Joy, I GAVE MY LIFE for those girls.
My thought:
God, It kills me to see the crap they are going though.
His thought:
Joy, I was Killed to set them free from the crap they are going through.
My thought:
God, I think about my girls more than all the other things combined. They are all I think about.
His thought:
I have known them since the beginning of time. Every day is planned out. Their names are written on my hand. They are ALWAYS ON MY MIND.
My thought:
God, My heart breaks when they tell me of the things they are going through.
His thought:
I have broken your heart for them. I have every tear they have ever cried in a bottle. I hold them in my arms. I AM their protector. 
His thoughts are so much greater than my thoughts. As much as I love these beautiful girls that I have the awesome priveledge of knowing and leading, He loves them so much more. As much as I think about them. He thinks about them more. As much as my heart breaks for them, He was broken for them. As many tears as I cry for them, He cries for them. AND He hears their cries. 
God, I love them so much. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love them. I know that the love I have in my heart for them comes directly from You. Help me to love them more. Teach me to Love Daddy. My heart cries out for you to show me exactly what I need to to for each girl. Give me specific words for them that will pierce their heart. Going down deep to the most hidden places. I know it must be your words. There is nothing that I could ever say or do to help these precious young ladies in any way. They NEED YOU!!!!
I need you. 
I love you.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love.
Unconditional: Not subject to any conditions.
Love is hard. Love can hurt. Love brings healing. Unconditional love is something that I dream of having. Somedays, thats a hard dream to live. I ask the Lord to help me love like He loves. Somedays, I don't live it. Love is a choice. Unconditional love is a harder choice. What is Love anyway? 
Not jealous
Not boastful
Not proud
Not rude
Not self-seeking
Not irritable
Keeps not record of being wronged
Does not rejoice about injustice
Rejoices when truth wins out
Never gives up
Never loses faith
Is always hopeful
Endures through every circumstance
How many of those can we say we really are? Joy is Patient, Joy is Kind, Joy is not jealous.... How many if we are totally honest? If this is what love is. and we are supposed to love like Jesus, where do we fall short? Where do we excel? What are areas we need to work on? 
It's hard sometimes to love unconditionally. We aren't perfect and we never will be. I have the tendency to beat myself up sometimes. But I was reminded to night by some one that if we were perfect at everything we wouldn't need Jesus. He wouldn't have had to die if we were expected to get everything right. This post is way different than I had planned for it to turn out. Maybe I'll right another one later. For now, this is it.
How can you love more like Jesus?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Intro to my life!

Well, at the request of a dear friend I decided to get a blog. I'm not really sure what I should write about for my first ever entry. I wish I had something profound to say, something to make you think, but sadly, I do not. I don't even know where to start. Maybe I could just talk about my life. Let you get to know me? Okay, Where to start?
The Little Princess
Once upon a time there was a princess. She was oh so beautiful. She twirled and sang as the kingdom watched. All their attention was on her every move. She was loved and cherished. She was given all she could ever ask for or imagine. One day, the Princess realized that as she danced and sang in her beautiful white gown, the kingdom of people appeared smaller. She wasn't being cheered for as loudly, or smiled at with such adoration. She realized that her Mother and Father had given their attention to other tasks. They were always busy. Running here and there, they cast the princess aside. The Princess was hurt, but made herself continue to dance. She danced for the many people in her daddy's kingdom. The Royal Family. Now, in this royal family there were some very wounded people. Other Princes and Princesses that did not know what it was like to be smiled upon. They were jealous of the little princess. They decided to do something terrible to her. They locked her away in a terrible room and stripped her of her white gown. They wounded her and stole the pure, white gown from her and replaced it with dirty, torn robes. The princess felt such shame. "How could they do this to me?" She thought as she tried to pick up the broken pieces of her heart and piece them back together. As time went on, things only got worse. She tried to ignore the dirty rags she now wore. She was ashamed of them. She hid away in her inner chamber. She wanted to believe that she would still be smiled upon, but was afraid to show herself to her mother and father, for she feared that they would cast her away once again because she had lost her Pure, White gown. So she continued to hide. Some nights, she would sneak out, looking for something to fill her hungry, empty stomach and heal her broken, empty soul. She would go out into the streets, disguised, and dance for all to look on. As she danced, crowds gathered. She was the center of their attention. Young men whistled, and would toss coins, comments, and persuasive smiles. "Come with me." They would whisper, I will take care of you. The little princess was scared to go with them, though their attention made her feel special, she didn't find the love she was looking for. She continued her search. Back in the inner chambers she would cry, as she remembered who she once was. The Princess she wanted to be. Pure, valued, loved, worthy. But there she sat, too scared to approach the King. She knew that if she approached Him, He would help her. But she was afraid of what He might cause her to think of. Where He might tell her to go. What He might say to her. So night after night, she cried herself to sleep. One evening, after contemplating all day long what she might do to find love, she set out once again, disguised. She met some kids about her age. They also were of the royal blood, they too had been in hiding, wounded by the Evil One. She stayed with them and they showed her many new things. She experimented with all sorts of things trying to find love. Natural and unnatural, she tried to find something to fill her wounded soul. As time went on, she still felt broken and used. In fact, the things she had tried had just left her feeling more broken, more used, and more dirty. She decided to return to her inner chamber, locking herself away once again. One night as she gazed into the cool water below her window, she caught a glimpse of her self. She saw a dirty, torn, rag wearing girl. She didn't look like a princess at all. She felt ugly, worthless, taken advantage of, and hopeless. She felt like she deserved to be punished. She began to obsess over her appearance. "Maybe that's why they hurt me," She thought. "I am worthless, I am nothing, I deserve to die," she cried. "I am unwanted, my mother and father don't even care enough to find me! It would be better if I was dead!" She tried and tried, but to no avail, death would not come. Since she couldn't find death, she resorted to other things, evil things, painful things. She would sit in the corner of her room and hurt herself. She felt so worthless. So empty, that once again she set out for love. She sold herself to the men she once despised. She didn't care how white her gown once was, she just wanted to feel loved, protected, valued, worthy. She was left still feeling emptier and abandoned. Finally, she returned to her inner chamber. Hopeless. On her door was a note. It was sealed with the Kings signet ring. He had extended his scepter of love to her many years ago, even before she had decided to set out on her search for love. Oh what joy this brought the Princess! The note read, "My Dear Princess, I have waited many years for you to come to me. I have wanted to show you my Love. Why have you continued to hide from your King. I have seen you in your search. It has broken my heart to see you there. Why are you satisfied with the Prince and the Pauper when Your King is enthralled with your Beauty? I don't see your rags. The Evil one has distorted your perception of yourself. You are beautiful. Why are you dancing with the peasants when you were born to dance with the King? Listen to me, O Royal Daughter, Forget your people and your Father's house, For Your Royal Husband delights in Your Beauty, Honor Me, For I AM Your Lord. Princesses in other kingdoms will shower you with gifts, the wealthy will beg your favor. Come in my Courts! I have waited so long for you! I have heard your cries in the night hours as you have desperately searched for Love. Didn't you know that the entire time, Love was here, waiting for you? The Scepter of Grace and Love has been extended to you already, Why didn't you come? I have called you by name. I want to show you My Love. Did you not hear my song. I played my music for you as you danced, hoping you would run to me. I have waited so long for you. Darling, you are beautiful. I want to hold you, Let me hold you. I know the tears you have cried, but you are the Apple of My Eye. I don't care what you've been through, just let me hold you. Come, Rest in my arms. I know the plans I have for you, They are plans to prosper you. I will not harm you, because I Love you. Yes, I love you with and Unfailing Love. My arms are open Wide. Won't you come and rest inside. In the Shadow of my Wings.* In my inner courts. In the Inner Courts of the King. You will find healing here with Me. I AM still calling you, It is not too late. Come as you are. I LOVE YOU." The Princess looked at her reflection one last time. She realized that Under the rags, she was still the Princess. And she realized that the King was waiting on her! The LOVE she had been searching for was found with Him. She ran to her King. She approached Him confidently. The King lavished His Love on the Princess. He restored her. He touched her wounds and they were Healed. He clothed her in the most Beautiful, White, Flowing Gown she had ever seen. He took away her rags. He took away her mourning and clothed her in Robes of Righteousness and of Joy. She Married the King. To this day, the Princess can be found in the inner courts of Her King. The Bride, the Princess, looks glorious in her gown. In her beautiful robes, she is led to the King, accompanied by her bridesmaids. What a joyful and enthusiastic procession as they enter the King's Palace.**  The Princess still will go out into the night, only she no longer disguises herself, and she doesn't go out searching for Love. Now, She has Love Himself holding her hand. Together, they show others The Way to find Love. Hand in Hand. Heart in Heart. Step by Step. They rescue other lost Princesses and walk with them to the Inner Courts of the King of Kings. 

* "Love's Song" by Joy Smith
**(Psalm 45:10-15)