Friday, September 5, 2014

Letter Series: A letter to the one who was hurt by the Church

Precious you,

Yes, I am writing to you. This is for you. 

I am so sorry. Your hurt is valid. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I  told you that you are dirty. I told you that you didn’t belong. I told you that you weren’t good enough, pretty enough, or spiritual enough. I shut down your questions because they assaulted my ego. I shattered your dreams because they made you look better than me. I expected more from you than I could muster from my own maturity. I called you names. I laughed at your hurts. I told you to get over real wounds without offering any assistance. You came to me seeking love and acceptance, and I pushed you away. I rejected you. Thus, I proved to you what you feared all along-that God rejects you. I taught you that you couldn’t do enough to please God. I repeatedly showed you that you weren’t welcome in God’s group. I manipulated you into doing things that you didn’t want to do. I withheld attention when you didn’t do as I wished. I compared you to others. I used fear as a motivator to cause you to do or stop doing things that didn’t please me. I rebuked you when it wasn’t my place to rebuke. I corrected you when you didn’t need correction. I demanded respect when I didn’t earn it. And I required trust, though I let you down time and time again. I controlled you and abused you. I didn’t have to say anything, you knew from the look in my eye that I was disappointed. I required you to prove yourself to me without me ever doing anything to show I cared for you in the least bit.

I am so intensely, deeply, incredibly sorry.
I was so wrong.
You deserve to be angry.
You should run away from all that I showed you.
Run far away from my teachings.
You shouldn’t serve a god who is like that.
I am so sorry.
Please forgive me.

I know that it’s hard.
I know you don’t want to forgive me. 
I surely don’t deserve your forgiveness.
But if you could find it within your heart to forgive me and hear me out one last time, it would mean so much to me. 

You are perfect just the way you are. God is not and never has been angry or disappointed in you. You are good enough. You are beautiful and feminine. You are strong, handsome, and masculine. You are not dirty. You belong. Your dreams are wonderful! Dream them! Live them. Follow your heart; it’s not going to lie to you. Your emotions are wonderful and were created by a really good, glad Father. Your hurts are valid. Your struggles are nothing to be ashamed of. You are so loved. You are worth extravagant love. You are good enough. The Father delights in you. He accepts you. You are not rejected. I know you have been assaulted with abuse and lies from the church, from me, but please don’t hold on to them. We were wrong. I was wrong. The god I preached to you doesn’t exist. The father that I created in your mind deserves death, not love. That is not Christianity. That is not your Father. Your Father is good. Your Father is loving. Your Father is so gentle and kind. What I taught you is none of that. Please, don’t run from a Father who loves you wildly because of me. The god I taught you is not God at all. Please, give the real, true, God of Love a chance.

I know Him now. 

He is better than your wildest imaginations.

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