thoughts

The last week and a half or so have been unique. Last week there was a team from Houston here doing ministry on UMKC's campus. It was absolutely wonderful having them here. Sunday through Thursday nights we had worship nights at the Boiler Room which were nothing short of miraculous.
The Father is doing a lot in my heart the past week. I know that I haven't blogged daily, like was my intention, but I am still processing through things daily with the Holy Spirit, which was the point of all this anyway. Some of what the Father has been taking me through has be intensely personal, and not something that I want to post online. However, I can and will share some of what I have been thinking about a lot. I also will get back to the values that I mentioned before. To do all of this will likely require more than one post which I may post all in one day (today) or possibly save them as a draft and post them over the next couple days. (Or who knows.... I might back date them all!) The amount I write today will also depend on the battery of my laptop. I am sitting sipping delicious coffee in a coffee shop in Westport and left my charger in my car, which is parked down the road. Hang with me, I will fulfill my promises!

The Beauty of the Man

Jesus. Christ. Emmanuel. Son of God. Lily of the Valley. Savior. Redeemer. The Risen One. Bright and Morning Son. Advocate. Cornerstone. Great High Priest. Mediator. Rose of Sharon. Shiloh. Jesus.

The Man. Fully man, and fully God. Holy. Pure. Just. Righteous. 

He healed the sick, raised the dead. Stunned the religious while satisfying the sinner. 

His goal was dying on the cross. His desire was to receive the punishment of all of mankind. His joy was me. I am the joy that was set before him. He boldly and unashamedly declared that I am worth it. I am the joy that was set before Him. I am the desire of His heart. 

It was me. 

(okay, it was you too...)

Woah. 

He took my punishment. He took it all.

For me to believe that I deserve punishment or that I am not good enough is to say that I want to pay for something that has already been paid for. 

My parents bought me a car several years ago. They gifted it to me. It's my car. Paid for. It's mine. What if I decided that the price my parents paid for it didn't work, or wasn't enough, or that since it's my car, I should be the one to pay for it... so I paid for it all over again, or refused to drive it until I had paid the car dealership the total price of the car again? That would be absolutely silly. And it would break my parents' hearts that I paid the price of the car that they already paid for. 

(It would make the seller pretty jubilant though)

That's what we do when we wallow in guilt and try to punish ourselves... or worse, don't receive the forgiveness that is rightfully ours. 

It makes the enemy ecstatic when we let him punish us or punish ourselves. 

I don't know about you, but I don't want to make the devil happy. 

Super short Lent post

Again, I'm super tired and just drained through and through.

In the next few days, I am going to begin to process through some values that I have in my life. The first one that I will discuss is Kingdom family. Hopefully, tomorrow I will have more emotional energy to process through it. I am headed to bed for the night. Praying for sweet dreams and restful sleep. 

Lent post-y

This will be a shorter post than the past ones have been. Super tired.
Yesterday I took a sabbath from posting. Sunday was wonderful. All day long I had the song "What if His People Pray" by Casting Crowns stuck in my heart all day. I thought about the lyrics and the message the song presents and was challenged greatly to really pray. The Father moves when we pray.
Today I went to UMKC with a team from Houston to do some relationship building and ministry. It was lovely. I feel like I'm on the edge of some really great breakthrough in my life. Can't wait! 

When I grow up...

She is dressed up in a pretty blue dress with lacy ruffles on her white socks. Confidently, she walks across the stage to the little microphone stand in front of the big audience. With a sweet, enthusiastic joy in her voice she announces, "When I grow up, I want to be a swimming lesson teacher!"

Of all the things I could be, I chose to announce to the world... err, the parents of the kids at my Christian school's  kindergarten... that I wanted to be a swimming lesson teacher! All my classmates said things like "doctor", "fireman", and "policeman". Smart jobs. Good, sustainable jobs. I aspired to be a mere, slutty (but tan), swimming lesson teacher. Hey, at least I was original right?

Fast forward nearly 20 years later.

I walk into the counseling room of a clinic and there sits a 15 year old girl. She is looking intently with fear filled eyes at two little pink lines on a pregnancy test. She begins to feel her world crash down around her and she begins to drown in the shock, sadness and uncertainty that awaits her in the weeks ahead. She glances up at me with eyes brimming with tears and cries, "I can't do this."

It's my first day at a new job that I have eagerly anticipated beginning. I walk in, unsure if I really have what it takes to do it. Several hours later, the house is trashed, there is blood and tears, and the fire alarm that will not cease. The police arrive, as do the fire fighters, and the ambulance takes one of our own to the hospital. The fire fighter silences the alarm and the police man begins to take statements. No arrests were made that night. No one was injured beyond recovery, physically. Time would tell what damage was done emotionally. The police man looks at me and asks, "Did they prepare you for this in school?"

Today, my reply would be a resounding "Yes!"

I am a swimming lesson teacher.
The doctors, policemen, and fire fighters are definitely necessary, and I hope my classmates followed through on their dreams and aspirations. However, my call in life is to be a swimming lesson teacher.

I have acted as the life guard on many occasions. I have dove in and rescued and resuscitated the drowning. Immediately after the life has flooded back into their eyes though, I begin to teach them to swim.

Life is hard sometimes. Wind pushes you down and the waves pull you under. Lightening strikes, thunder roars, and people get scared. They dive in to pools that are deeper than they expected and panic when they realize their feet can't touch the bottom. The ocean has a way of making people feel really small and helpless.
Life is kinda like the ocean.

It is my joy to teach others to swim through the ocean of change, depression, insecurity, and divorce. It is my joy to swim next to them as they battle waves of addiction, anger, and anxiety. When a wave pulls them under, I am exceedingly pleased to be the hand that pulls them out from under the water. I am so honored to be able to hand others the life preserver of the Gospel and show them the way to Hope.

My name is Joy, and I am a swimming lesson teacher. 

Lent- Day 3- Love Is...

Love.

Almost every person in America knows the Bible's definition of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. It is quoted at nearly every wedding by believers and non-believers alike. In fact, Bible Gateway did a study to see what verses were searched the most in the top 10 countries and 1 Corinthians 13 was #4 in China, #2 in USA, #3 in Brazil, #5 in Bangladesh, #3 in Indonesia, #5 in Japan, and #1 in Russia (these stats here). In 2009, 1 Corinthians 13 was the most- viewed passage on Biblegateway.com (this stat here). In 2012 it was number 8 on that list (look here). By the end of the year last year, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 was number 7 on the charts worldwide. 

As believers we have a really beautiful example of love to follow. In fact, we have the Man named Love, Himself. The Man, Love, fully lived out 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. How can we follow His example? I guess we can look at the definition of love and the Man's life side by side.

Love is:

Patient
Matthew 15:32-34- Even after Jesus fed 5,000 people His disciples still didn't understand that He could do it again with 4,000 people. They were doubtful and confused. Jesus was so patient with them countless times. This is just one time of many. 

Kind
John 5:2-9 Jesus healed a man on the Sabbath who had been sick a long time and had no one to bring him to the pool of healing. He has compassion on people.

Does not envy or boast
Philippians 2:6-9 He does not consider equality with God as something to be grasped. 

Not arrogant - Humble
John 4:7- Jesus asked a samaritan woman for water- This was unheard of in that day because Jewish men did not speak to women, and especially not samaritan women. But Jesus stepped down in humility and offered this woman life abundantly. 

Not rude
Matthew 12:19-21- even when He faced the greatest abuse man has every endured, He did so with gentleness and humility.

 
Does not insist it's own way
Matthew 26:39,42 in the hours before His crucifixion he chose to pray this prayer: "Not my will, but your will be done, Father."

Not irritable
Matthew 20:20-28- Jesus has every right to be irritated at this request, but he chose love instead. He lovingly spoke the truth. 

Not resentful
Luke 23:34- Jesus cried out on the cross, Father forgive the ones who have crucified me, they don't know what they are doing. Beautiful Mercy, Love chose forgiveness, not resentment. 

Does not rejoice at wrong doing but rejoices with the truth
Matthew 18:23-34- Jesus told this parable about forgiveness and truth.

 
Bears all things
Matthew 16:5-12- Again, Jesus was incredibly patient with his disciples through their immaturity and unbelief. 

Believes all things
Mark 9:23 All things are possible for on who believes. Jesus was able to do crazy ridiculous miracles because He believed. We have that same ability if we believe as He did. 

Hopes all things
Matthew 26:29- Jesus took the bread and the cup for the last time with His disciples on earth. He did so while holding on to hope that He would take it once again with them in Heaven. He held on to hope that His blood was enough and grace was enough to carry them to eternity. 

Endures all things
Luke 23- Jesus endured the worst possible betrayal, abuse and death imaginable because we were the joy set before him. Because of us, He endured the cross. He is the most beautiful example of endurance. 

Jesus is the most beautiful picture of love. 1 John 3:16 says: "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, so we ought to lay down our lives for our friends." Is this definition of love considered when those three little words slip off your lips and into the ear of your most recent crush? Jesus, the Man who is equal with God humbled himself and became a mere human only to die a brutal death to show us His great love.

The words that echo in my heart from the lips of Jesus- 

It. Was. Worth. It.

Lent- Day 2

I've always hated doing laundry. There's nothing fun about it. However, it is a necessary evil. The more I do laundry, the more that I have to do it seems. Wash the clothes, dry the clothes, fold and hang them and oh, wait! by the time I get all of the clothes hung and put away, it's time to start the cycle all over again! It's madness, I tell you!! As I sit here waiting to hear the not so pleasant buzz of the washer telling me it is time to switch the clothes over I wonder if God ever feels this way about me. By the time all my mess has been cleaned and put neatly away, another crisis occurs thus leading to more laundry.
I sometimes feel as though my life has been one big crisis. Every time I turn around there is another pile of junk that I need to sort through with the Lord. Does He get tired of sorting through it all with me?
I'm convinced that he doesn't.
Philippians 1:6 says that He began a good work in me and He is faithful to carry it out to completion
Exodus 34:6 says The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
Psalm 98:3 says He has remembered His steadfast love and faithfulness to the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God.
Romans 3:3 says what if some were unfaithful? Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God?
I am convince that He doesn't get fed up with my drama. I am convinced that He is more than willing and ready to work through it with me. I am convinced that even in the messiest part He longs to get down in the mess with me, pick me up, clean me off and love me tenderly. I am convinced that He is faithful and good.
When I have my doubts, I am reminded of His faithful love for Israel. How many times did they wander away only to be lovingly drawn back and cleaned up by a good, gracious, and merciful God?
He is close to the brokenhearted. He binds up their wounds. He isn't afraid of the oozing, gooey, infected mess in my heart. It doesn't turn him away. He reaches in and gently cleans out the infection and brings healing and life to every broken, wounded area. How beautiful is this God?!

Lent- Day 1

Ash Wednesday ushers in the Lenten season. With that comes people "giving up" an assortment of things for Religious reasons in hope to make themselves a better, holier Christian. They seek to mimic Christ's 40 days in the wilderness and prepare themselves for the resurrection of Christ.

However, I'm not sure how Biblical Lent actually is. Read more here.  I am still doing research.

Despite my questions about the roots and validity of this religious practice, I found myself wondering what I was going to give up for Lent. I've never practiced this before. I have always written it off as something that only Catholics do, since that's what I was taught as a child. Many people give up, or fast; meat, media, sweets, coffee, cursing, Facebook, shopping, or even other people/relationships. They give up something that takes up time, causes them to sin, or has been placed before God in their life. My search for something to give up led me to what I feel like is a beautiful challenge from the Lord. 

Our Father challenged me to "take up" rather than "give up" for Lent. 

"What does that look like?" I asked. His reply was odd at first. He lovingly spoke that my words have power and are good. He reminded me that I am worth being heard. The words of my mouth flow from my heart and they are good. He challenged me to rather than giving up something that I do, to take up something new to do. He directed me here. 

It is my goal and commitment to join Him in "taking up" sharing my thoughts, my words, and my heart for this season. I plan to post daily a few lines from my heart. What that looks like, I don't fully know; but I pray for grace to communicate clearly with vulnerability the things that are in my heart to share. I have a good, clean, pure, happy heart that pours out good, worthy, powerful, refreshing words from a deep, fresh well that the Father has dug and I have cultivated. 

Care to join me on this adventure?