Saturday, June 15, 2013

My date with the Trinity

I decided that I would share a little snippet from my journal entry from Tuesday. :) Enjoy! 

June 11
I just came back from the first date that didn't end in shame or rejection. A date with the Trinity. I told Him I didn't want to leave that moment and He told me the most beautiful thing. That I can come back there anytime!!! I have open access to His heart. To His time. I can commune with Him any time! It doesn't have to be big and dramatic. He wants to meet with my heart every moment!!! I have zero resistance to you Trinity. Any moment. I say yes. Any thing. I say yes.
Every relationship requires trust. Without trust, there is no relationship. Tonight, I chose the path of trust. I chose the way of trust. That path led to the most beautiful beginnings of relationship. I put on the blindfold. I was led, lovingly, gently. The eyes in my head could not see, but the eyes of my heart were opened wide. I was led to a gate. When I took off the blindfold, in front of me was the gate lined with tea candles, and behind that gate stood staff and interns, family. They slowly opened the gate and made a path for us to walk into the field where we lined up to receive a huge piece of a loaf of bread and a big wine glass full of juice. We then walked out into the field filled with illuminaries all over. I've never seen so many candle lumineers in my life. They appeared to stretch for ever over and down the hill. Scattered throughout the lumineers in the field were white chairs. I found a white chair and I sat down for my date with the Trinity. We were told we had an hour. Time flew. It was the shortest hour of my life. I sat and communed with the Trinity. The Father and I had a long moment, the Spirit and I had a moment, and Jesus and I had a moment. At first, all I could say is "I'm so unworthy. I don't deserve this." But the Father wrapped His arms around me, Jesus looked me in the eyes and said, You were worth every bit, you are the joy that was set before me.
I saw this picture in my mind of Jesus walking towards me, step by step, eyes locked on mine. With each step he took he said I love you. I want you. You are Beloved. It was the most gorgeous proposal ever. He affirmed my identity. He filled my very body. And he began to strip away all the layers of hurt and fear and distrust. The last time I was blindfolded, I could trust no one. I was told to trust the person in front of me. But I wasn't safe. I was made to wander through parking lots and fields, aimlessly, with leaders poking branches in my face and in front of my feet to make me trip and to scare me. But this time, I was held on to. Ella's hand tight around mine, her arm, secure around my back. She whispered "your safe, you're doing great, I've got you" over and over. She told me where to step. She told me exactly what my feet needed to do. Every step of the way. Trust. Found in the Father, Formed in the Family. 

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