Saturday, June 8, 2013

Week One: Father week

I don't know where to start. I don't know how to put into words what this week has been for me. I don't know that I will ever be able to fully explain it all.
The first night, we had this beautiful dinner with out small groups. It was absolutely amazing. After dinner, all the staff and interns gathered around us and prayed for us. I have never felt that much love and that wanted in my life (I will say that many times because everyday I am loved more and my heart comes more alive). I sobbed. David grabbed me as I walked by and pulled me into the tightest hug I've had in a long time and just encouraged me and told me how he's been praying for me and what he heard the Father speaking over me.
Every staff and intern here knows all of our names, ages, and where we are from already. They knew who I was when I drove up in my car. They all had pictures of us and have been praying for us specifically for months. Wow. Seriously, So loved!!!!
This week was Father week. We got to know God as Father. Our fruit of the Spirit of the week was Love. I have never known the Father in this way. He is so good. He is so close. He is so full of love. He wants me more than I want him to want me.

Something that we talked about this week is the wrong beliefs that we have about God. At the root of every sin is a wrong belief. Behind every action is a feeling and a thought and behind every thought and feeling is a belief about God of about ourself. Wether that belief is who I am is not good enough or God cannot be trusted or God is trying to keep me from being satisfied or find pleasure. Behind every sin action is a wrong belief that needs to have the truth shined on it. Repentance should be a joy filled expression of the truth of God. Prostitutes and Tax collectors dance their way to heaven ahead of the pharisees and religious people. God is so good and loving. The only sorrow that I should feel over repentance is in the realization that I have been living in lovelessness, apart from His love. Repentance is returning to the place where we are thinking and seeing with God again. Repentance isn't an "I did this wrong." It's an "I believed this about You."

We live out the image of God that we see, so if we see God as angry, controlling, and unfair, then we will live that image. 

Since being here, I have heard from the Father in some pretty beautiful ways! He has shown me pictures and told me stories that have rocked my world. 

"We distort what we hear to fit what we feel." the things that we are fearful of, "I will be rejected" cause us to receive messages that fulfill that fear. We distort what we hear to fit what we feel- leading to our fear being fulfilled. (This is seen a lot in text messages- you interpret the other person's tone by what you believe about yourself.)
Our struggle with passages in the Bible most frequently are a result of a wrong belief about the nature of God. My belief about God is the only thing that determines everything. 

Father week has been phenomenal. So healing. There are pages and pages and pages in my journal about all that the Father is doing in me and all that He has spoken to me, I can't even begin to scratch the surface of all that's going on in this blog entry. 
In fact, I don't even think I totally know it all yet. Much processing to be done. 

Saturday is our wifi day. We have all committed to drawing away from the business of life and are committed to intentional community with the people around us. So that's why I have been absent. I will try to post every saturday. I can't even guarantee that will happen though. I love it here so much. I do miss friends and family though. But I am learning to rest and to just BE. It is beautiful.

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