Sunday, September 16, 2012

Seasons are Changing & 70 times 7

I don't have anything pretty and put together to write about. In fact, I don't even know where to start today. I'll probably just end up rambling.
I know that seasons are changing though. You know that transition between seasons when in the mornings and nights is kind of cool and you want a jacket, but in the middle of the day it is so hot and humid that you just want to hide away. You are wishing summer away and praying for winter to be here soon. You can't wait until the next season. The transition sucks.
Well, that's where I am right now. It sucks. Bad. I find my self trying to hurry things along, but I know that this transition has to happen. I have to let time do its thing.
I wish I could share everything that is on my heart, but I am not yet in a place where I can do that. And honestly, if I tried it would probably turn out poorly.
I am learning so much though. So much.
Something that Jesus has been walking me through in the last couple days is the concept of 70 times 7. Forgiveness.
What does that mean?
What I have realized is it isn't about the number. It isn't a formula.
It's in the "Today, I choose to forgive."
The next day,  "Today, I choose to forgive. Even though it still hurts."
The next day, "Today, I choose to forgive. Even though nothing in me wants to forgive."
The day after that, "I choose forgiveness when they hurt me again. I choose forgiveness when all I want to do is make them feel what I feel."
Day 15, "Today, I forgive."
Day 30, "I still forgive."
Day 45,70,300...., "...." Your daily choice to forgive eventually turns into a lifestyle of forgiveness and you don't have to make that conscious decision with that issue any longer.
You forgive them until you no longer need to forgive them.
Do I like this? No. I still want to show them how much I hurt. But today, I choose to forgive.
Today, day 4, I choose to forgive. I choose to let myself be free from the cage of unforgiveness. I choose to forgive even though it hurts. Even though it's not fair. I choose forgiveness, because Jesus forgave me.
70 times 7.

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